Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
