at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
