You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
