Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
