Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
