i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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