It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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