I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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