It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
