When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
