You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
