my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had sex on a roof
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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