Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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