You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
