He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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