dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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