i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
