I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
