Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
