It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
