...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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