the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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