Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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