Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
