Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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