very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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