is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Less talking, more tequila
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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