return my video game
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
