you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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