She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
