Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
