dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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