Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my being single is dangerous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
