There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
