Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
