I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize