I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
