I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
