The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
