I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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