Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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