that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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