My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
