Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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