Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
