Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
