why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
