I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
