just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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