'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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