at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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