hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
