I want to have your abortion
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
