Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
foreskin is a definite game changer
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
