Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize