felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
