Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
