So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
