Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
