I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
