I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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