im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
