sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
