another moral hangover. fuck.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
