Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
