Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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