so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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