Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
