I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
