I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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