you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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