small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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