D3 body, D1 cock
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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