His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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