Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
