I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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