i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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