bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
