I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dick very happy bro
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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