too bad you live with your parents still
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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