So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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