I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
