Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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