I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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