Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
