He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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