So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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