And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
