Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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